Facing My Fears

Fear can create many roadblocks in life. Fear of the unknown can cause you to remain in unhealthy situations. Remaining in unhealthy situations can eventually negatively affect you. Rather it’s a relationship, job, career, organization, or friendship, fear of the unknown can cause you to avoid exploring healthier situations.

The fear of being alone often causes us to remain in unhealthy relationships. It’s okay to be alone. Being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You deserve to be treated like the Queen or King that you are. We often remain in relationships where we’re being mistreated or being made to feel invaluable all because the person on the other end says “I love you.” This concept can apply to family relationships as well. Even in the midst of feeling unwanted, I tried to hang on to the hope that “One day, it’ll get better.”

On September 9th, I finally made the decision to leave a very toxic work environment. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

I began my career in the medical field as a Registered Nurse. I worked at a hospital for two years. I was the nurse that would get pulled to the side because I did more than the charge nurse thought I should be doing. If I was already in a patient’s room and they needed assistance to the restroom, or any other assistance, I would assist the patient instead of paging the Patient Care Assistant and having the patient wait until someone arrived. I never thought twice about helping patients, because I was there to help them.

My next job as a Registered Nurse was with a smaller organization. While working there as an RN, I began to notice things that were not becoming of a professional environment. As always, I remained there telling myself “One day it’ll get better.” I eventually applied to Nursing school to obtain my Masters degree to become a Nurse Practitioner. Once I was accepted, things really began to change. I told a coworker about my acceptance and she couldn’t wait to go behind my back to tell the CEO in an attempt to make it seem as though I would be leaving soon. Typical fashion of the environment I worked in, the news traveled back to me. Many more behind the scene setups continued as I continued working while attending school full time. As graduation approached, “the word” was I would remain there as a Nurse Practitioner. I was made aware this was being discussed in managers meetings before I was even asked if I was interested in remaining with the company once I graduated. Once I was asked, I agreed to stay. Why? Out of obligation. I felt obligated to remain with the company because I was able to work and attend school. I felt obligated to stay, even after a Nurse Practitioner with the company told me I shouldn’t feel obligated to stay. I felt obligated to stay, even after an instructor warned me about beginning my NP career with my current employer. All of the warnings and signs were there telling me to explore other options, but I felt obligated to stay. Never feel obligated to remain somewhere you don’t feel comfortable.

I worked for the organization for five years: three years as an RN and two years as an NP. Not one day did I feel comfortable there. The environment was filled with drama, gossiping, backstabbing, and people throwing rocks and hiding their hands. Providers didn’t look out for each other. They threw each other under the bus. The support staff were comfortable enough to be disrespectful. Many in management positions were a part of the unprofessionalism and enabled others. Why did I remain there if things were getting worse? I was afraid of letting anyone down. I was afraid of the unknown. What would happen if I walked away? I often came home and explained my work day to my husband in tears. I ended up being referred to a Cardiologist, Neurologist, and Pulmonologist. Every single diagnostic test came back normal. It was stress! On September 9th, I decided I just couldn’t take it anymore. Enough was enough. I finally decided to take control of my life and health. I finally decided to stop blaming myself for all that I experienced. I finally decided it’s time to stop saying “One day it’ll get better.” I realized “Today it’ll get better.”

If you’re like me, and you’ve allowed fear to hold you back, now’s the time to say enough is enough. It’s time to take back the control of your life and health. Don’t let fear control you anymore. It’s time to face your fears and shine like the true Queen or King that you are.

I believe in you!

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